Who say's conservatives can't party?

There is this lefty conspiracy out there that conservatives don't know how to party. I want to say that this is horse shit. We know how. In fact, I am already teaching my daughter how to shake what her mother gave to her. Plus, what other candidate wears wild underpants? Aside from John Edwards who wears a thong. Fucking pussy. If you want a president who can rage, vote for my dad.

We always knew he was the weak link.

Popularity Ranking of the Five Brothers:

1. Me. Natch. 525
2. Matt. You know some of these are fake. 521
3. Josh. Maybe if your picture didn't make you look like Patrick Bateman, you'd have more friends. 509.
4. C-Rom. He's just a little guy. 456.
5. Ben. Dude. Seriously. What the fuck? Pull it together and stop being SO pathetic. 296.

Of course, all of ours put together does not even touch the amazing 28,833 that Dad has. I think we need a new word to describe how popular he is.

He just doesn't stop plowing!

I know some of you have asked, when does your Dad stop plowing? The answer: never. Even when there are kids in the way. He's so decisive when he is on the tractor. It's like: look out! Here he comes! Ha! He almost plowed little Parker right under. C-rom was like, "hey, don't you think Dad should lay off the plowing? I mean he almost killed Parker" And I'm like "Fuck that, Dad looks so Presidential up there. He is in charge. If that means your drooly kid becomes compost, well that just might be what America needs". C-rom can be such a bitch.

Happy Fourth of July, America!

Het everyone, I hope you are out there loving liberty and freedom and all the other great things about America, apart from Dad. I just thought I'd take a second and try to step back from all the cool stuff Dad has been doing lately and reflect on the liberties we enjoy as Americans. For example, we can have dogs. As pets, not food (yuck!). And they can ride on the roofs of our cars, because they freaking love it up there! Who hasn't wanted to ride on the roof of a car, like Styles from Teen Wolf? I know I have. Except I wouldn't wear some garish shirt. Basic blue for me, thanks.

Also, we have the freedom to be educated on any subject we like. Like donating to Dad, for example. I have become the guru of educating people on that. Some call me Dr. DontatetoDad.com, others call me the Gangster of Love. I don't know why they call me that one. Anyway, what a great country we live in where you can go and learn why a guy who can loan himself $6.5 million also could use a couple hundred bucks from you.

America is the best! Just like a certain Dad I know...

God, I hate this picture!!!

Why do they always pick the ones where my mouth looks like a dogs asshole?
Sometimes I wonder how great this all is....I feel alone.

Wholesome family fun. Great.

This is great. Isn't it? We get to call all of the great people who like our great family sooooo much that they give us money. Feels great. Tagg and I have a contest to see who has more great friends. I am winning. Great.

Liberal Media Panties in a Bunch

Who do these guys think they are anyway? My dad says that whatever you have to do to stop the terror caused by erratic driving, you should do it! Look, I know Jay and he is a real man. He doesn't follow Big Government protocols like "legitimate law enforcement training". He just takes control! Liberals at the Globe hate strong men like him. F-U Globe! Grow a sack!

Josh