Teflon Dad

The Democraps can attack my dad all they want and he doesn't even care. Actually, it shows that they are afraid. I would be too. My dad is a terrifyingly fantastic man. He is so great, if he gets the nomination and debates whatever minority yahoo the Democraps pick, it might be like that scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark when they open the ark and it is so amazing and great that it burns all their skin and melts their flesh. The Nazis are the liberals and the ark is my dad. Think about it.

PS-We are ignoring Ben's paranoid, un-Romney like, rants.

Thanks a lot guys...

You know, it's hard enough to be the guy with the weird beard, but when they purposefully exclude me from family functions, it makes me wonder if I am even a Romney. Just so you know, it says we couldn't make it, but that is not true. They never told me about it.

Proof:
"Finally, since we were all together last week, we got a rare opportunity to go out to dinner together... without the kids. (Ben and his wife couldn't make it)."

Who say's conservatives can't party?

There is this lefty conspiracy out there that conservatives don't know how to party. I want to say that this is horse shit. We know how. In fact, I am already teaching my daughter how to shake what her mother gave to her. Plus, what other candidate wears wild underpants? Aside from John Edwards who wears a thong. Fucking pussy. If you want a president who can rage, vote for my dad.

We always knew he was the weak link.

Popularity Ranking of the Five Brothers:

1. Me. Natch. 525
2. Matt. You know some of these are fake. 521
3. Josh. Maybe if your picture didn't make you look like Patrick Bateman, you'd have more friends. 509.
4. C-Rom. He's just a little guy. 456.
5. Ben. Dude. Seriously. What the fuck? Pull it together and stop being SO pathetic. 296.

Of course, all of ours put together does not even touch the amazing 28,833 that Dad has. I think we need a new word to describe how popular he is.

He just doesn't stop plowing!

I know some of you have asked, when does your Dad stop plowing? The answer: never. Even when there are kids in the way. He's so decisive when he is on the tractor. It's like: look out! Here he comes! Ha! He almost plowed little Parker right under. C-rom was like, "hey, don't you think Dad should lay off the plowing? I mean he almost killed Parker" And I'm like "Fuck that, Dad looks so Presidential up there. He is in charge. If that means your drooly kid becomes compost, well that just might be what America needs". C-rom can be such a bitch.

Happy Fourth of July, America!

Het everyone, I hope you are out there loving liberty and freedom and all the other great things about America, apart from Dad. I just thought I'd take a second and try to step back from all the cool stuff Dad has been doing lately and reflect on the liberties we enjoy as Americans. For example, we can have dogs. As pets, not food (yuck!). And they can ride on the roofs of our cars, because they freaking love it up there! Who hasn't wanted to ride on the roof of a car, like Styles from Teen Wolf? I know I have. Except I wouldn't wear some garish shirt. Basic blue for me, thanks.

Also, we have the freedom to be educated on any subject we like. Like donating to Dad, for example. I have become the guru of educating people on that. Some call me Dr. DontatetoDad.com, others call me the Gangster of Love. I don't know why they call me that one. Anyway, what a great country we live in where you can go and learn why a guy who can loan himself $6.5 million also could use a couple hundred bucks from you.

America is the best! Just like a certain Dad I know...